White Doll
by Neo Arkadia
Summary: [Oneshot] As Asuka futiley attempts to sleep, one thought keeps circling in her mind: She's more than the doll so many wanted her to be... Isn't She?


**White Doll**  
by Neo Arkadia

'There was... a point to the Society... wasn't there?'

This thought echoed through Asuka's restless mind as she laid in her bed, under her neat white bedcovers, almost hiding like a child from an angry parent. She knew she shouldn't be thinking like this. But she _couldn't_ help it. The thoughts just wouldn't leave her alone. They kept buzzing inside of her like an active beehive.

Then another one hit her.

'The Society... freed me? Didn't... it?' She wondered briefly. Manjoume. Saiou-sama. They had done so much for her. So much. 'They gave me all the freedom that I haven't been able to obtain on my own.' She was finally free... free from being something she wasn't. 'Free to be myself. To do something I _want_ to do.'

They and the Society gave her back her pride. 'My dignity.' She thought. The two things that the silly ex-temporary principal along the vice principal, and even her own brother, had nearly ripped to shreds a few months beforehand.

That was the problem, wasn't it? 'Fubuki, my own brother, could never understand what I wanted. No, it was always what he wanted. He couldn't understand me back then. He flatly refused to understand me now. Grrr, why couldn't he get _it_ for once!' She thought as she bit her lip in frustration thinking about it. 'Damnit, Fubuki.'

She quickly grabbed a pillow next to her and tossed it at the wall. She clenched her teeth, as she remembered all the times he had made choices for her her entire life. 'Without even asking!' The nerve!

'And he's been pleading over and over the last few months to me to leave the Society. Saying I shouldn't be there with "all those weirdos." He just doesn't want to understand my choices.' She gritted her teeth in frustration.

"I wanted to be in the Society. This is where I belong. This is my home now.' She calmed down, blinking for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts, when another unsettling one struck her like a train.

'It is... isn't it?' The thought circled in her head over and over. She was being overwhelmed with doubt. 'And it terrifies me. This is where I belong, right?' She tried to breathe, but her breaths only got shallower with panic.

'Wait. Of course it is. Here, I now have power. The power to change the world. The power of Destiny.' She clenched her hand into a fist, trying to reassure herself. 'I'm not some foolish white pawn on a chessboard. No. I am one of Saiou-sama's 'Knights'. I'm one of Saiou-sama's Advisors.' She looked up from under her sheets with pride. 'I can actually do something other than be ogled by people.' She had power. 'I am beyond most people now. I should be happy, even ecstatic, with that fact.' She sighed, her head falling back down under them. 'But it _just_ doesn't seem to matter right now.'

'I need to find a source of light. I need to relax. Breathe. The light would make everything better. It would make everything make sense.' She chanted to her self in assurance. Her breaths were beginning to deepen. 'Good.'

She suddenly sat up from underneath her covers, covered by her white nightgown, which innocently clung to her body, taking in the fresh air. 'Light... Light...'

But, the only light she saw was the moonlight grinning back at her, almost as if it were mocking her. 'Mocking my choice...' Asuka gritted her teeth again.

She quickly glared at it. 'I don't like how the light is reflecting off the moon. There is something impure about it, unlike Saiou-Sama's light. It's dirty.' She shivered in disgust for looking at it.

She looked up again, as a thought struck her. 'Just like I had been months ago, until Manjoume had shown me the way. How he- No, Saiou-sama, could help fix everything. Fix all of my problems, show me the path I wanted-- nay, needed to take.' She swallowed in fear of becoming dirty again.

'He showed me how I could be more than a doll in a pretty dress for everyone's amusement. He made me a proud and strong person again. This is the sort of person I **want** to be. I want to be strong. I need to prove I don't need to become what everyone else wants me to be.' The blonde haired girl nodded to herself in assurance.

'That's right. I am my own person. And I'm going to help Saiou-sama and Manjoume cleanse this impure world of all its darkness. Make all the pain go away... All the pain.' Her eyes flickered with passion on the subject. 'No more pain... Pain.' But then she felt a cannonball hit her.

"..." Thoughts kept blurring back and forth. 'What is this feeling...?' It was something she wanted to remember. 'It's something important.' It was on the tip of her tongue. 'It's something about Fubuki... What is it? It seems important.' But why would She be so worried about Fubuki? 'I can't seem to wrestle it down.' Asuka had an inkling of what it was... 'Something had happened to him.' But nothing came to mind.

"... Odd." She thought as she tilted her head in concern. "I would think I would remember something important as this feeling... But why Fubuki?"

But what would be so important about him that she would worry over him for...? 'I can't remember anything important that would Warrant this much worrying. After all, the only important thing Fubuki had done as of late was that exchange school program. And he had come back to Duel Academia in the middle of the year without a scratch.' She remembered. 'I'm sure of it. Very. Very sure.'

'But the only thing I can seem to think of that would be of Relevance was that Titan person during the Seven Stars crisis... Before I was clean.' She shivered in terror before regaining her composure, sitting up in her bed. 'I swear it involved me and Fubuki... But what...?' She gritted her teeth trying to dig for the answer. 'Why would I duel him? Yes, he was a member of the Seven Stars...' But then an answer seemed to flood to the surface, as she remembered all the previous battles. 'Oh. Right. That's why. I wanted to prove that someone who wasn't Juudai could defeat one of them.' Her eyes turned to fury. 'Juudai...'

'Juudai.' She frowned as thoughts kept pouring into her head. 'Always taking the glory. We were all second rate next to him that year. Even Ryou, the supposed top duelist of the school.' She clenched her fists. 'I refuse to be second rate next to anyone anymore. I have my pride not only for myself, but also as a female duelist, on the line. If I must fight him... I WILL defeat Juudai.'

And it hadn't helped the boy who she had thought of a friend allied with her brother's crazy plans to get them together... 'Love Duel my ass.' She snorted at the thought, making her hair fly about, some of it covering her face.

'Fubuki... Brother, if you were here right now, I'd strangle you. Along with Juudai' Asuka thought angrily, as she tightened her fists until the bones of her knuckles stuck out.

And then a cannon ball struck her in the gut again. 'But... Something about Juudai... and Fubuki...' Asuka's face went blank as her fists opened. 'Why do I feel so terrible about this. They've humiliated me... Haven't they?' She brushed her hair out of her eyes.

The gut wracked at her further. "Why do I feel like this? Like I've done something wrong." The Second of Three Advisors gasped for air as she tried to reason to herself. 'I can't stay on this bed...' She got off of it, her naked feet touching the carpet-covered floor.

Her feet wobbled. "Why do I feel like this? They're the enemy..." She stumbled a bit as she tried to walk forward. "Aren't they? They're against me. And Saiou-sama." Asuka asked herself. She felt like she was having a headache.

"Goddamnit, why do I feel like this?" She swore to herself. 'It makes no sense. I should have no regrets. The Society is going to heal the world.'

Her legs fell in protest to the thought, dragging her to the floor. "Offh." Asuka gasped as she fell to the ground, her hair disheveled.

"Goddamnit. Why?" 'Why do Fubuki and Juudai seem to be giving me so much grief tonight. Why am I caring so much about them! They've given me nothing but trouble.' She pulled herself off the ground as she swallowed again. 'And why does it feel so much like a lie?' She rose to her knees, her legs spread apart.

"I've got to get a hold of myself. An advisor of Saiou-sama shouldn't be thinking like a panicking member of the masses." Asuka said, hand covering her forehead and her eyes slightly. "I have to be strong. Not just for me... but for everyone else in the society." Breathing for a second, Asuka spoke again. "But why does this feel so much like a goddamn lie?"

'Damnit, Juudai. Fubuki. Why am I thinking like this? What are you two doing to me?' Rising to her feet, her nightgown ruffling in the wind, as her hair did as well. "Why is it whenever I think of you two idiots, that I feel like the worst person in the world?"

The Queen of the former Obelisk Blue dorm breathed and sighed and turned to her bed. "This has been a horrible night... But why... I need to know why they're making me feel this way." She crossed her arms over her chest.

'I need to get to the bottom of this. In the morning. Talk to Misawa. Manjoume. Saiou-sama. I need to know...' She walked towards the bed.

'It doesn't mean I'm not with the Society. But I need to know... _why_ I feel like this.' Asuka turned herself and lowered herself onto the bed.

"Juudai... It would be so much easier..." She collected herself, breathing,. as she put the words together. "If you'd stop insisting on being a showoff. And stop insisting the Society and Saiou-sama are putting the world in danger. We want to help you and Fubuki. Help everybody." She nodded to herself in self assurance. Saiou-sama and the Laser Satellite would fix everything.

Asuka motioned herself to lay on the bed.

'The one benefit of all this is no one is calling me "Asuryn" anymore.' She growled as she pulled the sheets over her. 'I'll get even with Fubuki for that yet. Society or no Society. Stupid crazy brother.' Asuka snorted as she attempted to sleep...

- - - - - - - - -

Deeper within the compound known as the Obelisk _White_ dorms, a pair of nearly inhuman, purple eyes snapped open from a deep rest.

The owner of the eyes probed. He poked. Searching for the source of the disturbance that roused him from his dazzling dreams. Those wonderful dreams of light he knew would be fulfilled so soon.

He quickly found the problem. '... Her.' He echoed a feral snarl in the back of his head. He gathered his thoughts on what to do about the situation, before he suddenly halted his train of thought abruptly.

He then grinned, almost like a cat glad to be caught with a canary in its mouth. 'I will deal with her in the morning. No point in wasting a good night's sleep over it. It's a trivial matter.' The psychic thought to himself. And with that, Saiou Takuma slowly dove back into the embrace of the divinities of sleep... Under all of his rich silky sheets, until the dawn of the new day.

**FIN**


End file.
